The Search for My Adoption File: Part One

Somewhere in Cook County, Illinois, there’s an adoption file containing more truths about my hidden adoption.

To find out what’s in my file, I contacted Melissa, an adoption and family support specialist who tracks down adoption files for adoptees who were born in Cook County.

First we needed to make sure my file existed. On the phone, Melissa asked questions about my biological mother, Lillian, and other details about my adoption. She put me on hold for a couple minutes, then informed me she found a card on my adoption. In other words, my adoption file should be available.

Adoption File Exists

Woohoo! I felt thrilled and oddly comforted. A caseworker, lawyer, social worker and judge presumably crossed the “t’s,” dotted the “i’s” and followed protocol. I’m an adoptee with a proper paper trail, a legitimate bastard if there can be such a person.

I hoped the file would provide answers to some lingering questions.

Other than knowing my birth mother had delivered me at a hospital in Skokie, I knew very little about the details of my birth. I wanted to find out whether Lillian knew who my biological father was or whether Steve, my biological father, knew about me. How much time did Lillian and I spend together after my birth ?  How old was I when Claire and Bob, my adoptive parents, took me home to the Southwest Side of Chicago? Assuming a social worker interviewed my birth mother, I wanted to know what Lillian told her.

With regard to the adoption file, Melissa tried to manage my expectations, saying “if we find it” and “if it is at our warehouse.”

Adoption files sometimes go missing. My file could be in the wrong drawer, cabinet or closet, wherever these records are kept in Cook County’s warehouse. I pictured a vast, cheerless building with thousands of adoption stories tucked in a sea of beige or gray file cabinets. My file molders along with those of my fellow adoptees who were born in and around Chicago in the 1960s.

If Melissa finds the file, she will prepare a report for me containing non-identifying information in exchange for $100.

My Unofficial Adoption File

At home in Brooklyn, my unofficial adoption file includes my original birth certificate signed by Lillian, and the legal amended birth certificate with Claire and Bob listed as my parents. In a red box, I’ve stashed pages and pages of handwritten notes taken from interviews with family members who knew my biological parents. I’ve accumulated knowledge and photos of my biological relatives and ancestors. Last year, I even got to meet a bunch of cousins at a family reunion in southern Indiana.

But I still want more information. Had my parents told me about my adoption, I doubt I would have all this curiosity.

Melissa said she would go to the warehouse on Friday to look for my file and promised to call me that day to let me know if she found it. When the phone rang Friday afternoon, I ran downstairs to grab it from Tom. It was Melissa.

Chicago was in a deep freeze. The heat in the warehouse was out of order so Melissa wasn’t able to search for my file. She apologized. I felt disappointed. We agreed to stay in touch.

Chicago remained frozen for days. The temperature was 9 degrees below zero when I emailed Melissa the following Wednesday. Melissa had no news for me. She and her co-workers had been told not to travel outside of the office until the weather warmed up. Apologizing again for the delay, Melissa said she’d get back to me by the end of the week with any updates.

All I could do was wait for the North Pole-like conditions to blow over.

Two days later, Melissa emailed me. “Great news, I located your file at the warehouse today!” she wrote.

COMING SOON: I’ll share the new details that I discovered about my adoption.