Reading the adoptee memoir, “You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are” (2018: BFD Press), brought back memories of my own search for blood relatives and the importance of original birth certificates.
In his well-researched book, adoptee Rudy Owens discusses his difficult childhood and the obstacles he overcame to get the original birth certificate from the state of Michigan.
Owens found Michigan’s birth certificate laws confusing even to the authorities in charge. As an adoptee born in 1965, Owens fell within a group that could not get the original birth certificate without a court order. Owens made numerous requests to the adoption record keepers. He got his birth mother to sign a waiver, which would have allowed the state to release his records. Yet the waiver made no difference. His unwillingness to take no for an answer earned him a reputation. Adoption bureaucrats had flagged him as a “problem” adoptee.
With no help from Michigan, Owens embarked on a search for blood relatives who could possibly help fill in the blanks about his origins. Owens’s search yielded new family connections and heartache. While his birth mother welcomed Owens when they met for the first time in Detroit in 1989, his birth father refused to acknowledge Owens as his son.
“Get off my property,” the father said, as he glared at Owens from the front door of an upscale house in San Diego. “You’re not my son.”
What painful words to hear. Owens and his father never met again.
Watch Out For “Dangerous” Bastards/Adoptees
Withholding original birth certificates from adoptees is discrimination. Owens believes discrimination against adoptees stems from lingering stereotypes about bastards, aka adoptees.
He experienced the bastard stigma himself. Without knowing him, relatives on his birth father’s side of the family regarded Owens as a threat to the family.
Owens even encountered an adoption supervisor from Wayne County Probate Court in 2016 who said that he had heard of “birth parents being tracked and killed” by their illegitimate offspring.
“He stated this as if it were fact—though it never happened—and highly relevant to his work to keep birth records sealed tightly shut to all adoptees,” Owens writes.
People who are not adopted don’t realize how lucky they are. They never have to battle bureaucrats for birth certificates. They know where their ancestors came from and the diseases that run in the family. Adoptees encounter roadblocks in their quest for answers. We have to wait for laws to change or get court orders just to claim a birthright.
Original Birth Certificate Reveals Hidden Identity
Owens’s desire to learn the answer to the age-old question, “Who am I?” brought back a flood of memories. My need to know where I came from took on great importance after I learned I was adopted in the early 2000s. Uncovering the truth was frustrating. My adoptive parents were dead, my adoptive cousins could not help me and my original birth certificate was not available. Illinois and most other states supported keeping original birth certificates sealed.
The law changed in 2011. In that year, Illinois adoptees born on or after Jan. 1, 1946 became eligible to request their original birth certificates.
The process was straightforward. I mailed in a request with a check for $15 to the Illinois Department of Public Health. I waited patiently. The original birth certificate arrived in the mail in the spring of 2012.
What an exciting discovery! My birth mother’s married name, maiden name, age, address, place of birth and even her signature are all there on the original birth certificate.
Adoptees Treasure Original Birth Certificates
The original birth certificate was the key that unlocked the door to my hidden adopted life. Who am I and where did I come from? I needed answers to those basic questions. My original birth certificate made searching for blood relatives possible.
Without his original birth certificate, Owens took a different route. He worked like an old-fashioned detective to find blood relatives and learn about his medical history.
And he never gave up the quest for his original birth certificate. After fighting the state of Michigan for years, Owens received the OBC with the help of a court order in 2016.
“Good fortune had smiled upon me,” Owens writes. “The journey taught me that some efforts, even those that take decades, are worth it.”
In this well-written memoir. Owens skillfully weaves his personal experiences with interesting adoption history.
Sounds like an interesting read!
You’d enjoy it, Paige. Thanks for reading my blog.
Lynne: I want to thank you again for taking time to read my book and sharing it with others. It appears that some threads resonated with you and it is good to know about universal issues that highlight the experience and system. I believe the evidence is overwhelming concerning issues that will continue to impact adoptees (bias from most social groups and systems, the innate and natural desire to know one’s kin, the inherent truth to biological kinship vs nonkin relations). And that’s avoiding the other larger issue of legal inequality tied to historic wrongs and hidden bias. Thanks for sharing your story here too. I enjoyed reading it.
Rudy, I enjoyed your book. Obviously you worked very hard to research and tell your story in an interesting and well-written way. Frankly, I don’t know many adopted men who’ve shared their experience in a book. You might be the only one! And yes I could relate to parts of your story.Thank you for visiting my site.
Absolutely. My birth mother who was single came to Louisiana, which has an absolutely closed record law, from Iowa in the early 1950′ to give birth to me. Through DNA testing I discovered both sides of my birth families, including 9 half siblings. Sadly though, both biological parents had died not long before I discovered their identities. Twice bills have died in committee to revise Louisiana’s archaic law, both of which died in committee. Even though I know the information on the birth certificate (an much more), I can never see a copy of that original document. They are the bastards.
Stephen, the lawmakers treat us like children. We’re old enough to vote, work, pay taxes, get married and have offspring but we’re not entitled to our birth certificates. Ridiculous! I’m so glad you were able to find blood relatives on both sides of your family. Are you friendly with any of your siblings?
I just received a “certificate” from Pa. it contains my birth parents names and stated ages but no other info like actual birthdays. It also did not include any of the usual/ normal info such as birth time, weight, length etc. Is there any way I can get my “real” birth certificate? Appreciate any guidance, info, suggestions you have. Thank you, Lynda
Lynda, it sounds like the certificate you have is your original birth certificate. Can you request non-identifying information from the county where your adoption was finalized? Here’s a link with information on how to request non-identifying information: http://www.adoptpakids.org/SearchReunion.aspx
I requested non-identifying info from the county where my adoption took place and the report I received included my birth weight and other interesting facts. If you’re interested, you can read about what I learned from the non-identifying information: http://adopteerevelations.com/adoption-file-fills-in-blanks-about-hidden-adoption/
Are your birth parents living? Are you interested in contacting them? Your birth mother would know the answers to some of your questions. Adoptees live with many unanswered questions about their early life. It’s kind of frustrating not knowing the details about one’s birth. I wish you well and hope you find answers to your questions!